We've been sitting on a little secret over here.
Photo and ultrasound taken at 8 weeks.
Surprise! We're having a baby. And...
I feel like every time my life gets into a groove, or I start to find confidence in how I handle things, BAM - there's a curveball. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. Like losing my job. Sometimes they are intentional, like moving to Seattle and working from home. Always, they encourage personal growth and teach me things I know I needed to learn.
Walt is constantly asking me, "What's next?" I love this - it keeps our days moving along and reminds me that he is always ready for an adventure, so I better be ready to offer it! As Walt has gotten older, I feel like I've found my "Mom rhythm." Even though some days are hard, I have an idea how to handle things most of the time -- even if that means locking the bathroom door and calling my mom. :) I've settled into my freelancing roll, Landon is doing well in school, we can see a light at the end of the education tunnel for the first time in our marriage! (Three more years, three more years...)
But there was this nagging sensation that something was missing.
I wanted a child so badly, and for so long before Walter was born. I had so much time to prepare myself for pregnancy, for his arrival, and for motherhood. Not to say that you are ever really ready for that, but I was as ready as I could be. And when he got here, I so desperately wanted to just enjoy my little boy. Not every minute is fun, but the journey always has been. I have meticulously documented his life, watched for milestones, spent lots of one-on-one time, and loved being a mom.
So when we realized it was time for #2, I wasn't totally on board at first. I like having time and enough of myself to just be with my son. I like uninterrupted nap time. I like outnumbering him. I like being past that newborn stage and having so much interaction. And I also really, really, really like having my body be my own.
This pregnancy happened faster that we could have hoped or dreamed. It's great timing for us, actually. Emotionally however, I have to confess that I wasn't quite ready for this. Believe me, coming from a background of infertility with our first, I know how selfish that sounds. But it's true. I had mentally prepared myself for at least a year-long battle and lots of drugs and interventions to create a baby again. So when we found out we were on a different path this time around, it was great, but also unexpected.
For a few weeks, I was having a lot of anxiety about money and health issues, and feeling guilty already for turning Walt's world upside down. And then I remembered something I learned a long time ago, although I had forgotten. My timing and ideas about life are not what matter. I promised then that I would accept children when they were meant to come to us. And that is just as true for a sooner-than-expected child as it was for a later-than-expected child. Since that answer to prayer, I have felt peace and excitement!
Everything is going well. We found a doctor we really like who deals with blood clotting risks and has been really supportive of all of our decisions. I do have to say - the number of "screenings" they offer here has been a little overwhelming...I guess we're not in Utah anymore? After being much sicker than I was with Walt, I am finally feeling physically better and slowly getting my energy back. We talk to Walt a lot about our new baby and what that will mean. He's full of helpful hints, like being adamant that he wants a "regular baby" named "Sister." Landon is of course thrilled and wanted to tell everyone months ago.
Welcome to our lives, little one. We really can't wait to meet you in May!
PS: I'm like a billion times fatter than I was in this picture taken several months ago...but I lack the energy to take a new one and post it. That'll have to be another post.