Saturday, May 10, 2014

Baby Sister

I am not the most open person when it comes to my experiences with pregnancy. I think in part, because of my experience with infertility and now a completely different experience with faith and trust, I find it all to be very personal and sacred. So I don't like to talk that much about it.

But I do want to remember it.
I want to remember how I craved Sour Patch Kids every minute of every day, and gave into the craving way too many times.

I want to remember how baby girl mostly moves at night, often keeping me awake...but I secretly love that time, I feel like I am getting to know her.
I want to look back and laugh at how emotional I was about lots of things, but especially about food. Even when I realize it's completely ridiculous, I get easily upset if Landon eats something I was saving, or doesn't offer to share with me, or when we're out of grocery money and I can't buy the particular thing I want to eat. Excessive hormones are the worst!
I want to remember how even though we thought girl names would be easier, they aren't, and at 37 weeks, we aren't any closer to choosing our baby's name than we were at week 10.
I hope I never forget the look on Walt's face when he gets to hear the heartbeat...especially the time the doctor let him control the Doppler Radar and he found it all by himself! Or how he walks around singing "Happy Birthday, Baby Sister," when a new gift arrives for her. Or the sweet way he touches my belly on occasion. And of course, how he runs to the door sometimes, knocks, and then announces, "Baby Sister is here!" I know it will be an adjustment, but his heart was made to love and he will be such a great older brother.
I want to remember Landon's excitement when we started getting little girl clothes. He oohs and ahhs over pink dresses and tiny hair bows. He's tirelessly completed every crazy "nesting" project I've come up with, and backed me in spending some of our hard earned money on making the kids' room a nice (and organized) place to be. He loves to feel the baby kick, talk names with me, and dream about what she'll be like. She already has him completely wrapped around her tiny fingers, just like her big brother does.
Most of all, I want to cherish the tender mercies that have come with this pregnancy, not always in a way that I expected. We have been showered with love and generosity. It was a difficult decision to have another baby while Landon is still in school, but we have been taken care of in so many ways: from offers of clothes and the wonderful baby shower I was given to dinner invitations and a timely tax refund. When several of my freelance contracts ended over the winter, I was extremely worried about our income, but it turned out to be just the break I needed while I was most ill, and I have since more than made up for the work, just in time for the baby to come. And during this time, Landon was able to pick up some work as a private tutor and make up the difference! And while I'm not thrilled that the kids' birthdays might overlap - Landon will be finishing up his busiest quarter right after she is born, and will be able to take time off to help me. I'm also eternally indebted to my mom, not just for the offer to come and help when she is born (and bringing my sister with her, bonus!), but for her patience in not knowing details, being on the other end of endless phone calls from an overwhelmed me, for being just as excited for her 4th grandchild as she was for the first, and for raising me to work through problems and love unconditionally.
Thanks so much to my amazing friend Sharlie of SharlieZ Photography for taking these beautiful photos before time runs out. :) I often regret that I don't have more photos of my pregnant self with Walt, yet I didn't do much better this time around. I'm glad to have a record of our baby girl and I hope she'll know how loved and wanted she is. We can't wait to meet her!


Nancy said...

What a beautiful post! And you look great! I'm excited for you to have her!

Jenay said...

This post made me miss you all over again. Sometimes I can't believe we were roommates for only a few months! Your babies are so lucky to have you.

Catherine said...

I loved this post! And Congratulations!