Monday, January 30, 2012


The first day I had to drop Walt off at daycare was hard. Rock me to the bones, hurt my heart hard. He was so little! And I was used to being there for him, even though I'd only known him for 2 months. I cried a lot and called to check on him incessantly. But slowly over the last 6 months I have become acclimated to the working mom role. I still call often, but I don't cry anymore. I enjoy my alone time on my lunch hour, I like the adult interaction I get, and I strive to make every second home with my son count.

One day a week, Walt goes into work with Landon. I love this. It saves us money, and Walt gets extra Daddy time, which I will take over babysitter time any day (even though we do love our babysitter). Thursday was lab day. I got an exuberant chat from Landon at 11:24 AM:

Landon:  guess who has a tooth!
me:  What????!!!! Landon:  yep!
I am so excited for Walt's first tooth (Um, hello, that will be the cutest smile ever!). And so grateful he could be with his Dad for this milestone instead of at daycare. And happy Landon would be willing to email me a blurry photo of the inside of our son's mouth. 
It's hard to see - you'll have to trust me that it's there!
But I also had a twinge - ok, more than a twinge - of jealousy. I was really missing out on something. Believe it or not, this hasn't happened often. Walt smiled before I went back to work. He laughed for the first time at home. He rolled over for the first time at daycare, but no one saw it, and he didn't do it again for months - at home. We fed him his first cereal, and he sat up for the first time one evening while I was playing with him. We've done so much together and I haven't had that deep-seeded guilt that comes from missing out on things. Until Thursday.
I know I can't be there for everything. Our situation doesn't allow for me to stay home with our son right now, and I'm OK with that. I know I'm doing the right thing for my family. But it is hard knowing that my baby is growing up, and I'm going to miss parts of that. 

I just hope this little darling man knows I love him. And he better not start crawling at daycare!!!


Andrea said...

You are amazing! I can't even imagine being a working mom and not getting to stay at home with my little ones. You are so strong and I have always admired you! Keep up the good work!

Amy Diestler said...

Kylie- you are amazing-I admire you so much! I can't imagine coming home to a baby after a long day's work. I'm glad you've got to be there for so many of Walt's firsts - I'm sure you'll get to see many, many more! :-)

Natalie Ormond said...

Walt gets cuter and cuter! I love it :)